The Tea Commandments

Fret not thyselves, my fellow tea lovers, this ain't about religion and also there is no typo in the header. 

The below are just some thoughts on general hospitalitea and the fake religious headline was just for clickbaiting. I only intend to share some ideas on how to get the most pleasure out of a tea session with friends and acquaintances. Whilst one may not need to bother much about existing tea friends (cause you already know them, right?), it might be a bit harder to convert mere acquaintances into long time tea friends - in case that is the objective.    

One's home should be one's castle. Or teahouse at least. Meaning whoever owns a place and invites guests for a cuppa or twenty should be in ones rights to define house rules. Or does that sound strange? Well, it certainly does to me and I would never have thought about such before I started to have very frequent meetings with my local TeaNuts 🍵🥜 posse but also with numerous individuals. 

I am still convinced that there is enough decency in the world* and some basic conventions** do apply globally, like the guest mirroring the hosts behavior, e.g. as a guest to be waiting for a handshake to be offered by the receiving host or rather copy the greeting bow 🙏 - and some of us even being prepared for the reciprocate the Vulcan greeting 🖖 meaning "live long and prosper", but also to ask - if not clearly indicated - whether one is supposed to remove their shoes before entering.

That said, the below are not my house rules or anyone's I drink tea with, but over time we developed kind of a common understanding of how we can best enjoy tea. This is also no unanimous declaration everyone in my group would fully support, but there are at least a couple of common denominators I feel safe to say everyone with a decent love for tea might agree to or at least understand.

So, here they come, the rules or rather suggestions I might bother a potential newbie to the group with and some reasoning in italics below each one:

- If invited, kindly RSVP and indicate around which time the host may expect you. You may check in any time you like and you are free to leave whenever you feel tea drunk - or bored.

This is because my regular group does not always meet at the same place or time and although we may plan in advance, sometimes we do meet quite spontaneously. Also, as on average a session takes about eight hours (sic!), it cannot be taken for granted that everyone is willing and/or able to attend for the whole nine teas*** - or more. Knowing in advance when a seat a the table might be vacated again allows for adding substitutes for later arrival to the guest list. 

- No need to bring anything except love for tea; not even tea is needed, we all have and share in abundance, but any dealer or collector is of course free expected to share.

This is about not putting economical pressure on anyone and also intended to make newcomers feel comfortable. Of course our thirst is never satisfied but still: no pressure. Yet... 

IF you want to bring/share some leaves from your vault, great. But do not be frustrated in case the majority decides not to select your favorites this time. Happens to all of us.

As a host, whenever you have a clear agenda/menu you would like to offer, let the members/visitors know in advance so they are aware if it is going to be a motto tea party or there is some flexibility. In case of the former, no one else needs to bother bringing tea themselves.

- Once you enter another one's home, please use the bathroom and wash your hands with soap. 

Quite obvious, right? Not only in 2020. We all do it (when/where possible) before having meals and here one may even have to touch the holy plant (no, my fellow Rastafarians, not THAT plant) and prepare some delicacies for the others. 

- Please do not wear any strong perfume, body lotion or deodorant and ideally try not to cuddle with your animals too much before visiting. In case you are a smoker, kindly join us in a fresh set of clothing and refrain from having cigarette breaks.

Well, especially in the summer there might be good reasons to actually use deodorants, but rumors are there are even some w/o added perfume in the market. Alas, few people seem to know that. I would even go as far as suggest not to wear lipstick, at least if one intend to truly taste the tea. Also bear in mind that many people suffer from various allergies and even if they do not immediately suffocate while sitting/sipping, say, next to a cat-owner, they might enjoy the session more with their mucous membranes not clogged. 

In layman's terms: every smell might distract from the tea, so please avoid them.

- No food is guaranteed to be provided, however there are the occasional (unsalted) nuts or almonds offered on the house and everyone is free to bring snacks, but we can well do without them.

To be honest, after six or eight hours and planning to continue for a while I sometimes offer a light snack and we may even have ordered the occasional pizza sometimes, but this certainly does not benefit one's taste buds. On the other hand, one may doubt if after 20 different teas or so the taste buds are able to distinguish much anyway. Clearly nibbling nuts and such also does not enhance ones olfactory or taste senses (especially not before sampling nutty green teas or Xingren Xiang) and that is why it is not a strange idea to rinse ones mouth with non-sparkling water after nibbling or even between teas. Actually, this is the preferable way, depending on the level of severity when drinking.

- As soon as at least one non-native speaker joins the session it, we all switch to English.

Given that all others have a decent command of English. Otherwise we do as in Babylon****.

- Guest slippers available upon request

Many cultures expect you to remove your shoes when entering their homes (or bathrooms). That's why they offer slippers to their guests. That's for hygienic reasons if people do not wear socks but also some homes are not equipped with floor heating. Offering slippers to guests is a nice way to show hospitality, imho.

By all means, the above are thoughts, ideas and if you like suggestions that come from experience. We only bother potential drinking guests with some of the above when they might be considered prospects for permanent membership. Not that there is such a thing, but in order to focus and the main subject it is good to have the bases covered. Discussions should only be heated when it is about tea, at most. 

You may now think of me as bourgeois (which is fine, there is freedom of opinion where I live) and I would much prefer if some of the above would go without saying. Luckily, it often does.

Keep sippin'...

* Certainly not thinking about some current political discussions, fooliticians or events

** Suggested reading: Kiss, Bow, Or Shake Hands 

*** Ok, bad pun around "whole nine yards", also in most cases we drink more than nine different teas. Furthermore, the eight teas had better music...

**** Translate individually, that is. Wow, another rasta/reggae related thought in here - what was I drinking?